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Don't Google This


1) Clock spider. I can't even type those words without my scalp crawling. Now, I have a THING about spiders so your creep factor on this one may vary, but if you're a fellow arachnophobe, you definitely definitely don't want to Google Image Search this term.
2) Trypophobia. Another Google Image term that returns a surprisingly upsetting number of visuals. Trypohphobia is also known as repetitive pattern phobia, a fear of objects with clusters of small holes.
3) Any medical symptom. Don't do it. All roads lead directly to cancer.
4) Tetris fanfic. Yes, there is fanfiction devoted to Tetris. Yes, some of it is pornographic. "I unbuttoned the blue pixel I had on my lower half and instructed her on the ways of foreplay. As her top pixel met my bottom pixel, I let out an ecstatic sigh. Such pleasure I had never experienced in my life ..."
5) Snapewives. According to the Urban Dictionary, "A group of middle-aged women on the internet who believe they are all married to Severus Snape from the Harry Potter books -- on the astral plane. They have real-life meetings where they take turns channeling the spirit of Snape so they can have wedding ceremonies with him." There are photos. There are videos. There are blogs. There are ... emotions.
6) Coconut crab. Sounds sort of tasty, right? Sure, in the sense that seeing one will eat your brain alive with horror. (A runner-up: the star-nosed mole.)
7) Mucus plug. Maybe you're pregnant and wondering what to look for. Maybe you should just use your imagination on this one.
8) Bedbugs on mattress. SWEET JESUS NO.
9) Skin condition. Nope, you don't have to be more specific than that -- Google will return a plethora of terrible visuals for you to choose from.
10) Yourself. Either you'll find no proof whatsoever of your existence or you'll realize just how screwed-up your Internet legacy will be. There's no happy outcome here.

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01/31/2013 4:45PM
Don't Google This
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